In my first passionate sexual awakening, I made sweet sweet love to my housekeeper, Isabelle.

Ex-Minnesota Twin Michael Cuddyer is going to the Colorado Rockies with a 3-year, $30 million deal. 

The most surprising thing to me is that this is the first big-time free agent the Rockies have signed since 2000, when they brought in pitchers Mike Hampton and Denny Neagle for a combined $172 million.  That's pretty impressive, when you consider all the success they've had in the last few years.  I guess they're doing it right with their farm teams.

Bassist Mikey Welsh -- who played for Weezer from 1998-2001 -- was found dead in a Chicago hotel room yesterday afternoon after a suspected drug overdose. 

I'm celebrating the end of summer with a frappuccino at Starbucks.

I saw the movie Contagion last night.  I wanted to love it. A Steven Soderberg thriller starring Matt Damon, Jude Law, Laurence Fishburne, Kate Winslet, Gwyneth Patlrow, Marion Cotillard...sounds great, right?

It's been hot.  Really hot.  Uncomfortably hot.  And now they've gone and closed the beaches.

A Southern California woman was jailed Wednesday after authorities said she drugged her estranged husband, tied him to a bed before cutting off his penis and put it through a garbage disposal.

Nothing kills my holiday spirit like logging into my email to find 40+ spam emails in the junk folder of my inbox.  There sure is a huge increase at Christmas.  Geesh!

I really hope the Atlanta Braves have what it takes to get Bobby Cox into the post season one last time.

Cardinals pitcher Blake Hawksworth was set to be released from a Chicago-area hospital a day after he was struck in the face by Cubs outfielder Sam Fuld's line drive in the fifth inning of St. Louis' loss on Saturday.

Hawksworth remained in the hospital overnight and received approximately 20 stitches in the area where the ball hit him, but a CT scan came back negative.

After he was hit Saturday afternoon, Hawksworth remained on the ground for several minutes while trainers attended to him. He wound up leaving the field with some assistance.

You can't even make stuff like this up...

A Madisonburg, Pennsylvania man has been arrested after confessing to his involvement in the murder of Samuel Boob last year.

According to a criminal complaint, 26-year-old Kermit Butts was taken into custody after he admitted to assisting Ronald Heichel with his plans to kill his lover's husband.

Authorities arrested Mirinda Boob and Ronald Heichel last August after Samuel Boob was discovered fatally shot on the driveway of his Tusseyville Road home.

Butts murdered Boob?  *insert Beavis and Butthead laugh*

I was surprised to hear about the death of New York Yankees owner George Steinbrenner this morning.  Having turned 80 just last week, he had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital where he died.  Shocking.  It's hard to imagine the New York Yankees without him.  I didn't always agree with his practices, but you can't deny the way he turned around the organization and the success he had.

His death was the second in three days to rock the Yankees. Bob Sheppard, the team's revered public address announcer from 1951-07, died Sunday at 99.

Wal-Mart is coming to Chicago.  It was able to establish its first stores in Chicago through guile, perseverance, and a few meaningless reassurances. Smaller stores! $0.50 pay raise! Union-built! These are the meager concessions that led Chicago to sell-out their local retailers.

To fit into cities, Wal-Mart is proposing to make itself more trial-size. It would shrink its stores to as small as 8,000 square feet, about 4 percent of the size of an average supercenter. It is considering formats that are primarily groceries, stores where customers can order something online and pick it up, stores where local business owners can lease space, and even formats like bodegas.

In meetings with Wal-Mart, Chicago politicians won some concessions. For example, the Chicago stores will all be union-built, and Wal-Mart agreed to donate $20 million to neighborhood charities. Most significantly for a company that has been loath to strike deals on wages, Wal-Mart had agreed to an entry-level wage of $8.75 an hour, 50 cents higher than Chicago’s minimum wage as of July 1, Mr. Daley said.

Squeezed for cash and desperate for jobs, Chicago took whatever it could get. One labor leader hailed the wage deal as a "Chicago-only concession," saying it was the "deal-clincher." Wal-Mart quickly put him in his place, explaining that the raise is "nothing new," and that the "same is offered elsewhere around the country."

The 2010 Winter Olympics end Sunday evening with the Closing Ceremony at Vancouver's BC Place. Here are five things to look out for:

1. Chile's lone representative. In the immediate aftermath of the devastating 8.8 magnitude earthquake that struck Chile on Saturday, there were reports that the nation's Olympic delegation would return home immediately. But skier Noelle Barahona couldn't get a flight. After speaking with her family and friends to ensure that they were safe, she decided to remain in the Olympic Village and will be the nation's lone representative at the Closing Ceremony.

2. Canadian flag bearer. The Canadian delegation will be led by short-track speedskater Charles Hamelin. The 25-year-old won two gold medals in Vancouver. There had been rumors that Joannie Rochette, the bronze-medal-winning figure skater who lost her mom at the beginning of the Olympics, would carry Canada's flag at the Closing Ceremony. It would have been another touching moment involving Rochette, who became one of those unexpected, only-in-the-Olympics type stars over the past week.  

3. Performers. Canadian bands Nickelback (you remember them; they're the ones who have all those awful songs) and teen heartthrob Justin Beiber are rumored to be performing at tonight's Ceremony. That should make this little girl very happy. 

4. Poking fun? VANOC head John Furlong said the Closing Ceremony will "poke a bit of fun at ourselves." He added, "it will be Canada's way of saying goodbye and thank you. You will probably come away from the ceremonies knowing a bit more about us than you did if you're not from Canada." Expect more Canadian myths and involvement from aboriginal tribes but not any additional content for French-speaking Canadians. There was some criticism that the Opening Ceremony ignored French content. But the plan for the Closing Ceremony was set long ago and no changes have been made.

5. What will Sochi do? The traditional handover ceremony between the current host city and the next host city will take place in an eight-minute segment near the end of the Closing Ceremony. Russia is expected to bring 150 sports stars, children, dancing stars and a supermodel to the handover. The highlight will be the handover of the Olympic flag between mayors of the two Olympic cities. Live images from Sochi and Moscow will be transmitted into BC Place, a literal representation of "Vancouver meets Russia."

In their annual look at the Drunkest Cities in America (measuring data such as death rates from alcoholic liver disease, booze-fueled car crashes, frequency of binge-drinking in the past 30 days, number of DUI arrests, and severity of DUI penalties), Men's Health has named Fresno, California as America’s Drunkest City. Hang your heads high, Fresno. Well, once you’re able to get it out from over the toilet.

The annual study has been going for almost a decade, taking a look at both alcohol consumption and the serious effects it can have on the community at large. Last year’s winner, Denver, fell all the way day down to 17. Shameful given their inherent advantage with the thinner air.

Others in the top five include Reno, Billings (Montana), Riverside (Calif.), and Austin (Tex.). Big cities faired surprisingly not drunk with New York City, Miami, and Boston all finishing amongst the 10 “least drunk” with Philadelphia just outside.

See where your city ranks; the full list in order from “most drunk” to “least drunk” is below.

1.) Fresno, CA F
2.) Reno, NV F
3.) Billings, MT F
4.) Riverside, CA F
5.) Austin, TX F
6.) St. Louis, MO F
7.) San Antonio, TX F
8.) Lubbock, TX F
9.) Tucson, AZ F
10.) Bakersfield, CA F
11.) Las Vegas, NV F
12.) Modesto, CA F
13.) Columbia, SC F
14.) Nashville, TN D-
15.) Madison, WI D-
16.) Colorado Springs, CO D-
17.) Denver, CO D-
18.) Phoenix, AZ D-
19.) Cheyenne, WY D-
20.) Sacramento, CA D-
21.) New Orleans, LA D-
22.) Toledo, OH D
23.) Aurora, CO D
24.) El Paso, TX D
25.) Corpus Christi, TX D
26.) Fargo, ND D
27.) San Diego, CA D
28.) Lexington, KY D
29.) Tampa, FL D
30.) Albuquerque, NM D
31.) Oklahoma City, OK D+
32.) Tulsa, OK D+
33.) Jacksonville, FL D+
34.) Detroit, MI D+
35.) Boise City, ID D+
36.) Kansas City, MO D+
37.) Washington, DC D+
38.) Montgomery, AL D+
39.) Omaha, NE D+
40.) Portland, OR D+
41.) Anchorage, AK D+
42.) Birmingham, AL D+
43.) Greensboro, NC C-
44.) Wichita, KS C-
45.) St. Petersburg, FL C-
46.) Burlington, VT C-
47.) Houston, TX C-
48.) Los Angeles, CA C-
49.) Charleston, WV C
50.) Orlando, FL C
51.) Spokane, WA C
52.) Lincoln, NE C
53.) Arlington, TX C
54.) Des Moines, IA C
55.) Fort Worth, TX C
56.) Providence, RI C
57.) Anaheim, CA C
58.) Milwaukee, WI C
59.) Pittsburgh, PA C
60.) Baltimore, MD C
61.) Indianapolis, IN C
62.) Louisville, KY C
63.) Raleigh, NC C
64.) Seattle, WA C+
65.) Grand Rapids, MI C+
66.) Buffalo, NY C+
67.) Wilmington, DE C+
68.) Hartford, CT C+
69.) Sioux Falls, SD C+
70.) Virginia Beach, VA C+
71.) Memphis, TN C+
72.) Cincinnati, OH C+
73.) Cleveland, OH C+
74.) Charlotte, NC C+
75.) Oakland, CA C+
76.) Little Rock, AR B-
77.) Dallas, TX B-
78.) Richmond, VA B-
79.) San Jose, CA B-
80.) Minneapolis, MN B-
81.) Jackson, MS B-
82.) Jersey City, NJ B-
83.) Columbus, OH B-
84.) Atlanta, GA B-
85.) Chicago, IL B
86.) San Francisco, CA B
87.) St. Paul, MN B
88.) Honolulu, HI B
89.) Philadelphia, PA B+
90.) Portland, ME B+
91.) Manchester, NH B+
92.) Fort Wayne, IN A-
93.) New York, NY A-
94.) Durham, NC A
95.) Newark, NH A
96.) Miami, FL A
97.) Salt Lake City, UT A
98.) Rochester, NY A+
99.) Yonkers, NY A+
100.) Boston, MA A+

On a cold night like tonight, there's only one thing to do.  Make some hot soup and hot chocolate, bundle up, and watch The Hangover.